Long Live Nixon!

It was just a break-in at the DNC headquarters. Yes, Nixon covered it up. Yes, Nixon lied about it. Yes, there were tapes. But Nixon was just doing what he thought he needed to do to get elected for the good of the country. It was such a total sham that he was effectively forced to resign from office in disgrace for the kind of things that the Republican Party has clearly shown are not impeachable offenses.

Is what Nixon did inappropriate? Of course it was inappropriate, but today’s Republican Party has shown us that Nixon got a raw deal because you can’t be removed from office for doing something inappropriate to get elected when you think your being elected is in the public interest.

Perhaps we should posthumously revoke Nixon’s resignation from office. What a witch hunt! This week Nixon was exonerated by the Republican Party! Nixon was right all along. He was not a crook. Our long national nightmare of thinking Nixon should have resigned from office is over. Long live Nixon!

Roger Stone, you should go shirtless this week in prison to celebrate. You probably won’t have to stay there much longer with a pardon coming soon for you and all of Trump’s loyal associates who have been convicted of crimes by our increasingly obsolete and irrelevant justice system. Sorry Cohen, no pardon for you.

While Trump is at it he should probably also go ahead and pardon all of those poor souls who were convicted and spent time in prison related to Watergate. Maybe they can all get together for a little vacation and celebrate at the Watergate hotel. Wait, what am I thinking? – the Trump Hotel of course!

And to Ben Stein, who has argued valiantly over the years that Nixon basically did nothing wrong and even once tearfully said that Nixon was a saint,  your tears of sorrow have finally been turned into tears of joy. Tears of joy Ben Stein, tears of joy.

Note – This is satire. If you cannot recognize that it is satire, please seek professional help.

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